”I want to have sex but I don’t know how”
Frågeställaren kommer från ett samhälle där sex är tabubelagt, och behöver råd för att gå vidare. Sexologen Karina Bäckström svarar i spalten, som i dag är på engelska.
Fråga: Hey! I come from a close society which don’t allow you to have sex without being married, and now I live in Stockholm for two years. I see girls but I can’t talk to them because I come from Syria. I want to have sex but I don’t know how, and I don’t know how to talk to others about it. I hope that you see my message and tell me what I should to do because I’m really in a terrible life without it ... Is it wrong when I want sex or when I ask you?!
BRA JOURNALISTIK ÄR INTE GRATIS
Gillar du det vi gör?
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Svar: It is not wrong that you want to have sex and it is definitely not wrong to ask me. It is my job to answer questions about people’s sexuality.
When you don’t have so much experience in sex it is easy to think that you are the only one and that everybody else knows exactly what to do. This is not the case and many adults are insecure about these matters like you. Most people find it difficult and maybe also embarrassing to talk to friends about their insecurities around sex. It can also be tricky to know how to go about things like flirting, dating and talking to new people when you move to a totally different country.
One first step is to start dating, and being in different context where you meet other people. Maybe try online dating, taking an evening course in for example dancing (it tends to be more women than men that sign up for dance classes).
When it comes to actually having sex communication with your partner is a vital part. To be a good sex partner you have to pay attention to the other persons needs. Talk to each other what you like and how things feel. Old fashioned intercourse is usually not enough to make women orgasm. Most women need stimulation to the clitoris and foreplay.
I don’t know if you read any Swedish at all, but if you do I highly recommend Världens viktigaste bok. It gives a good introduction to sex and relations, and although it is aimed for youths it is definitely useful for us adults to. You can also go to rfsu.se where there is a lot to read about sex, sexual health, and much more. They also have some of the information in different languages, but most of it is in Swedish. There are a couple of clinics around the country where you can see a counsellor or a nurse to talk about sexual matters. It can be concerning sexual counselling, safer sex or test for STI. For example RFSU-kliniken i Stockholm and Centrum för sexuell hälsa i Malmö.